Rejection in Dating Sucks: 8 tips to bounce back (plus a playlist)
July 7, 2018
Are you afraid of the dark?
What if we said darkness is a simple physical phenomenon – it’s just the absence of photons.
That’s a fact.
And here’s another very important one: rejection in dating is way more common than you think, and yes, it sucks.
Let’s look at some numbers if you still think it’s just you: According to Pew research, about one third of people who met someone they liked online didn’t end up going on a date. Moreover, according to dating metrics, only 13% of people stay in touch after a first date.
But you know what? Moving on is not that hard. So, you need to climb out of this rabbit hole starting now.
First, stop setting yourself up for more hurt
Your feelings are homeless and you’re probably on a quest to find out what went wrong. It’s natural. When things go wrong in a relationship, we seek closure more than anything else. But you can’t really walk up to someone and demand it.
Realistically, if you’re in a position to make demands, we’d rather you make those demands to yourself. By dwelling on rejection, you’re doing more harm than good.
You’re shooting your self-esteem in the face
Emotions have a tricky way of obfuscating logic.
Your mind is probably on an over drive: What did I do? What did I say? Is it my job? Was it that text? Ohhh it was that text wasn’t it? Or maybe..
You see what you’re doing there? You’re hanging yourself for a crime you didn’t commit.
Self-reflection is great and it certainly makes us better people. But when the current achievement you unlocked is getting comfortable in the fetal position on the floor, a self-reflection overdrive is the last thing you need.
You could do a cheeky come back and say: Hey, I’m in the carpe diem zone.
Don’t kid yourself.
Your single-minded obsession to get to the bottom of things are hurting your prospects of healing and moving on. Do you really want that?
By over thinking about getting rejected in dating, you are robbing yourself of the chance of proper self-care and building meaningful connections in the future.
8 practical tips for dealing with rejection in dating
” If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.”
For someone who wrote about love all the time, Neruda did have quite a practical (and bad ass) approach to dealing with rejection.
Now, if you need help thinking straight to cope with rejection, we’ve got your back.
Rejection is not a reflection of who you are
Unanswered texts, an unanticipated break up, persistent rain checks on that second date – you may be tempted to let all that circle back to you.
It’s not unusual, but it’s not the healthiest way of dealing with rejection. Don’t let a single incident or one person’s opinion of you come crashing down to question your essence of being.
Mentally strong people put rejection in perspective (it happens) and don’t let rejection define them.
Whatever it takes, don’t do this
Don’t pick your wounds.
Don’t keep calling them to keep asking why.
If you keep pushing it, you’re giving them an excellent reason to think they made the right decision.
Our advice? Don’t over think.
Over thinking leads to anxiety, and anxiety is a smart trickster. Sooner than later, things will snowball in your head and you’ll find it even more difficult to pull back.
Focus on positive takeaways
Every situation has a positive takeaway, even those that are full of anger and anguish.
Calm down and think what you learned from the situation.
Did you have a good time? Don’t let your bruised ego slide into the driver’s seat and sully your good memories.
Work on keeping yourself busy
Idle minds are up to no good and idle hands inevitably text the ex.
Take a good look at your life – you have a lot of free time now. Get back to your hobbies or pick up a new one. Plan a weekend getaway with your friends – you know you probably ended up ditching them in favor of your date nights.
Take control of your life, channel your thoughts towards more productive and creative activities, and get in touch with those who matter.
Get that hook up spree off the table
It’s often said that sleeping with someone else is effective for getting your ex out of your system. However, if you think about it, sex is only one aspect of a relationship.
So what about intimacy?
Going on a hook up spree is damaging at this point because you not only can’t (or aren’t willing to) build intimacy but also aren’t able to navigate the emotional hangover of your past relationship. Plus, this absolutely gets in the way of you focusing on self-care to heal holistically.
You’re not the only one
You’re not the only one who’s feeling this odd mix of anguish, melancholia, and helplessness.
Take comfort in this and train your mind to handle rejection better.
It sucks to hear “no,” but chances are things won’t always go your way. Don’t be embittered by the prospect.
Think hard: do you always say yes to everything?
Distance yourself: thank us later
Would you achieve your fitness goals if you had donuts on the sly?
Now think about this: will you get over them faster and easily if you keep stalking them on social media or wait for a text back?
If it was good, mutual, and you’re meant to be together, that’s how it’ll play out.
However, don’t let yourself get caught up in the unrealistic expectations game.
Go easy on the hate
It’s super tempting to take their dirty laundry out in the open. But do you really want to be that person?
If you need to vent, confide in close friends (seeking out mutual friends may not be a great idea). Don’t talk about their unsavory habits to random people.
Essentially, don’t be this Charlie Puth song.
And speaking of songs…
Here’s a fierce playlist to help you get your mojo back
You’d think stubbing your toe while skulking around the house at night and brooding on lost love may not have much in common.
But they do – on a very basic, human level.
This study shows that there’s a significant overlap between physical pain and feelings of rejection. Yep, the same areas of your brain light up in an MRI machine when you hurt yourself physically or when you face rejection in dating.
You know what helps though? Being practical about handling the situation. It takes courage, but it’s easier than you think.
Go on. Try it.