How to embrace the spark after the first date
July 7, 2018
Do you know what’s the most patient activity in the world?
It’s not fishing.
Nope, not wild life photography either.
The most patient you’ll ever have to be is when you’re trying to build trust and a genuine connection with someone you really like. No way you can rush this.
But if your first date was all fireworks, you need to take active steps right away to make sure it doesn’t fizzle out
Get cracking to embrace the spark
There’s nothing quite like the butterflies in your stomach after a first date is it?
Relax. You got this.
But just in case you need some help, we’ve got you covered to embrace the spark.
How much is too much?
Here’s a real Catch 22 when you’re newly dating: you can’t be sure how much is too much.
Wondering how soon you should call them after the first date?
This is where your people skills come into play. Do they like their space or are they okay with you initiating conversation most of the time?
For example, if your conversation, hypothetically, consists of 10 questions (excluding follow up and related questions), initiate 6 of them and space them out, giving your date a chance to ask something they want to know about you.
This does two things: first, it gives you chance to get to know them better, and second, by keeping a cap on the questions, you can let them know you like them enough without overwhelming them.
So, to keep the spark alive, feed the disconnect, but don’t starve them.
Dig for gold – in conversation
Let’s face it, there’s no way you can sustain the spark if you don’t get to know each other better.
Not everyone is a great conversationalist, but thank God for texting right?
Don’t be afraid to be funny, to compliment them, or to share your honest opinions to avoid miscommunication in the future. If you disagree about something, put that across without getting worked up.
All things said, don’t forget the most important goal of open communication after a first date: to pick up cues to make future dates better. Focus on this and the conversation will just flow.
You listened, and then what?
Remember how we said that the purpose of communication is to pick up cues?
Once the date is over, you’ll both slip into your daily routine. You’ll be talking about mundane things along with swapping cute appreciation notes that come with the first date glow.
Now, to sweep them off their feet, plan some simple romantic gestures based on your conversation cues.
If they like flowers, send a bouquet to their workplace (provided they’ve told you where they work – don’t be a stalker). Or maybe, send them a post card telling them you’re thinking about them (everyone loves handwritten notes!).
What’s great about these gestures are that they show you’re a great listener but are low key enough to not scare them off.
Take your time to address the elephant(s) in the room
Yes, you’re probably the most curious about these two things: their ex and how good the sex is going to be.
Stop right there.
We recommend building a certain rapport and level of intimacy before you can overcome the volley of awkward these two topics are going to throw at you both.
Suppress the urge to quiz them about their ex (or endlessly talking about your own) and work on building genuine intimacy, excitement, and anticipation.
In the meantime, keep investing heavily in your conversations to learn what they like or don’t like to make sure your first time special.
Do this before you get hit with monosyllables
Feel like the time is right? Don’t wait around for conversation to dwindle to monosyllables and obligatory thumbs up emojis – ask them out again.
To be honest, you’re in the sweet spot for a second date if you’ve let it build, so to speak, for at least a week. Take this chance to plan an awesome activity-based second date to get to know each other even better.
If you wait longer, there may already be a disconnect – no one wants to feel like a stranger the second time with the same person.
Nothing kills the spark like these habits
Put yourself in the other person’s shoes before you do ANY of the following.
Better yet, don’t indulge in building these questionable habits.
Don’t treat it like a relationship just yet
You may think that the first date went really well and that’s it – your dating goals are met. You’ve met the one. You’re ready to roost.
You couldn’t be more wrong.
Sure, feel free to space out and think about them a couple of times during your meetings – but what if they don’t feel it yet, the same intensity?
So, exercise caution in your interactions with them – don’t over share or plan events without talking to them first. Moreover, don’t plan your day, week, or foreseeable future around them.
Alternately, don’t play too hard to get
Avoid extremes of anything at all costs at this stage.
While acting like you’re an old couple right away is a turn off, playing hard to get can also do the opposite of keeping the spark alive.
A huge problem with playing hard to get? You just send the wrong signals. You’re already telling them you have availability issues at the nascent stage – they’d be free to think this graph will go further down in future.
Don’t text after 10 PM – BS or truth?
Honestly? Not even Schrodinger can point you to the definitive truth.
A 10 PM text that insinuates they want to come over could well be a booty call. But a 10 PM text that somehow continues till 2 AM, with you grinning like a fool throughout?
You tell us. BS or truth?
The 10 PM text isn’t a live wire – if you feel uncomfortable with the direction it’s taking, feel free to cut it short and blame on it your sleep schedule.
Don’t put all your eggs in one basket
Rejection in dating is quite common, especially when you’ve just met and have practically nothing to lose.
Essentially, don’t be presumptuous that it’ll play out exactly how you’ve pictured it in your head. So before you guys decide to go exclusive, don’t cut cords with your other matches.
Basically, however you do it, make sure you’re not on the path to get your heart broken.
It may often feel like you’re walking on eggshells…
But, boy, is it going to be worth it!
You like them so much it may just hurt a little when you two aren’t together.
However, jumping the gun isn’t going to take you anywhere.
Play by the rules and be respectful.
Soon enough, that tiny spark will burn with the intensity of a thousand suns.